The Culture of Childbirth

“There is a sacred power in the innately feminine capacity of giving birth. It is one of the elemental, continuing processes of nature that women have the chance to experience, and it is the one act of human creation that is not shared by men.” – Ina May Gaskin

I have been reading Ina May Gaskin’s newest book, Birth Matters. It is an empowering and insightful book, written by America’s most famous midwife. Though I am often struck by the chapters that discuss obstetric medicine that lacks any scientific backing or the fact that the USA is one of only four countries with an increasing maternal death rate, I realized today that there is another topic that stands out to me.

The culture surrounding childbirth in the USA is missing so much. Why is it that the only birth stories that we hear are horror stories? This person hemorrhaged, this person would have died, thank goodness this person was in the hospital. Why are those the stories that we share with one another? Where are the beautiful stories? Where is the encouragement?

Why don’t we, as women, rally around one another? Why don’t we lift each other up with optimism and shared experiences?

Why is a birth a terrible, frightening, dangerous experience? Why isn’t it wonderful, life-changing, transformative, and spiritual?

I didn’t realize how much this lack of support bothered me until today.

In my line of work, I have the opportunity to mingle with powerful business women, many of them important lobbyists. I was shocked to have an email exchange with one of these corporate women (whom I don’t know very well) that went a little something like this:

Enjoy. Seriously, children are the most awesome thing ever. I hope I’m not overstepping here, but let me also tell you that childbirth itself is one of the coolest experiences in life EVER.

As someone who is seeing a midwife, delivering at a birth center, and reading way too many birthing books… I really appreciate your comment about how cool childbirth is!! I know it will be difficult and I’m a little bit nervous, but I am honestly looking forward to it.

Extra happy to hear you’re using of a midwife at a birthing center. You go, girl. Women are so cool. Our bodies are amazing. With my first pregnancy, I was nervous and felt some trepidation. A very dear friend sat me down and told me this: “Change your attitude. Childbirth is the most awesome thing on Earth. You need to anticipate with delight this experience and you need to recognize and acknowledge how awesome it is while it’s happening. And you won’t believe how incredible the outcome is.” Best words of advice I’ve ever received. You and your baby can and will do it well, and you’ll love it.

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Why haven’t I been hearing things like this throughout my whole pregnancy, or my whole life, for that matter? Has the childbirth experience been downgraded so much in our society that this “awesome experience” doesn’t exist anymore or is there some reason that women are reluctant to share?

Maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones, but the email exchange brought tears to my eyes. I suddenly realized that it sucks to gather all of my support for one of the most important events in my life from books and my midwife. A woman, basically a stranger, shared a small piece of her empowerment with me and it means more than I can express.

I only wish that this type of sharing was more common in our society. I am probably the farthest thing from a feminist, but childbirth seriously makes me want to shout from the rooftops about how awesome women are and about how cool and capable our bodies are.

I need to push all of the horror stories out of my mind and remember things like this:

My mom’s friend on Facebook: Go all natural. I had one of each and preferred natural.

The old lady working the reception desk: You can do this. Your body was made to do this.

My mom (without much confidence, not realizing that she is a rockstar): I thought I was a huge wimp and that I was going to die if it lasted much longer. Then I realized that I was 9 cm!

And then I need to encourage other mothers-to-be. I need to be the change that I wish to see.

Disclaimer:  Though I am planning a natural birth, I don't want to knock anyone that has had different experiences or makes different choices.  The point is, we are all women and we should support one another.  Let's focus more on the good and less on the bad.

Comfort, Confidence, and Support

Today, the baby friend has reached 36 weeks, which means that we are officially in “the safe zone.” Now that we’ve made it this far, we can deliver at the birth center with our amazing doctor and midwife. Barring complications, this little one will come to earth in a place that we have grown to love and where we feel comfortable, with only those that we have chosen by our sides.

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When I first became pregnant, I immediately visited the doctor that my family swears by. Let me be the first to say, he is a wonderfully intelligent man. Still, I wanted something more. I wanted a personal relationship with my health care provider and I wanted to know that they would be at my birth, no matter what.

In college, I took a course called, The Psychology of Sexuality. Well, it had absolutely nothing to do with psychology and everything to do with sexy time. Of all the classes throughout college, though, it surprises me to look back and realize that this class planted a seed in my mind, for this is the place that I learned about natural birth, birth centers, and midwives.

I began my search for a new health care provider by interviewing a home birth midwife. As great as she was, I realized that I wasn’t quite ready to birth at home. I needed a little more emotional security for my first birth experience.

This led me to Mary, who had just opened Blossom Birth Center alongside Nichelle Whitehead, an OB-GYN.

Stepping into the birth center felt so right. It was comfortable, clean, and peaceful. It was also a great reassurance to have a midwife and an OB in one place – the best of both worlds. As I have continued my appointments at the birth center, I have grown to love Mary and Nichelle so much. I love the things we have in common, the interest they take in my baby, my body, and my life, and their constant support.

I am so excited for this journey. It will be hard work and it will be painful, but each contraction will bring me closer to meeting my little girl or little boy. With my husband and mother by my side, watched over by caring and knowledgeable women, I have faith in the birth process.

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Here are a million silent prayers that I will be strong and that my body will be capable of birthing naturally, like so many of the women before me.

Three Tomatoes and Hippie Stuff

I have reached a new milestone in this exciting life of mine: Midwife appointments every two weeks, instead of once a month!

Who would have thought that going to “the doctor” would be so much fun? After all, I am the freak that cries every time I get my blood drawn. (Seriously, I could probably break my leg without shedding a tear, but bust out a needle and I will turn into a 2 year old.)

Speaking of the wonder of midwifery, did you know that I DIDN’T cry at my last appointment when I had my blood drawn? If you were wondering about modern day miracles, there you have it. I’m pretty sure it was a fluke (I didn’t have time to build it up in my messed up mind), so I felt better about crossing it off my Bucket List, than I did about conquering a personal demon. (Not conquered.)

So, the appointment was fabulous and my little fetus friend is on schedule and perfect! They call baby “The Surprise” and it makes me feel all warm inside.

At the appointment, my midwife/OB-GYN, Nichelle, asked me if I wanted to have the Gestational Diabetes test. She didn’t command, she didn’t act like she knew everything, and she answered all of my questions about risks, symptoms, and consequences, so that I could decide. Holy informed consent! I have to admit, it was difficult to answer the question, as my two brain hemispheres were suddenly engaged in WWW III over this newfound responsibility (and freedom).

(Let’s face it, it’s a lot easier to have a doctor tell you exactly what to do about every little thing.)

We three tomatoes.  (From our garden)

On the way out, I asked Mary, my other midwife, if I could take a look inside the birth suite, as I hadn’t done so since February. As I walked into the suite, I was overcome with emotion.

This is the place where I will become a mother and where I will meet another soul. This is the place where our family will become three.

I try to remember that birth is hard and painful, but it isn’t something to be feared.  It will be the most amazing event in my life. I pray that I can be prepared, empowered, and confident in the perfect body that Heavenly Father gave to me.

(Thank you, Mom, for supporting me in all of my decisions.  That's what best friends are for.)